so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
barbara walters just said penis...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
