Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
