she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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