i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
