I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
