Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
