Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
