mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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