M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
