Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
