theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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