I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
