Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
