i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
