K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
