VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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