There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize