I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
