I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
