the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
