is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Randomize