white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
