you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize