I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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