Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
