Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
