It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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