I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
