Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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