Your dad touched me again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
