I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize