when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
