I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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