This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
