Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
