we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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