We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
