I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
