I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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