Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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