vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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