so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
