I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
