i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
