A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
