if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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