the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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