So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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