***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
