my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
