So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
