worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
