wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
