my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my phone needs a breathalizer
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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