puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
