chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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