I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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