he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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