Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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