i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Randomize
