I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
