I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
