I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
