if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
