Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
