it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
