I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
50% drunk capacity currently
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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