i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
