Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize